The List: Things I Will/Won’t Do as Your Friend

The List is a way of organizing our thoughts on a certain topic into an easily digestible post. Topics may range from ranking films of a certain actor who has an upcoming release, to even something as simple as listing our breakfast cereals of choice. Anything is game. Length will vary depending on the individual writing said list, and jumping from one topic to the next may leave you feeling a little dizzy, but FUN (from our perspective at least) is our weapon of choice. Welcome to The List.

In honor of some lovely ladies that I couldn’t live with out, and that I could also seriously blackmail…

I will: Possibly give you a kidney. I mean, you only need one, right?

I will NOT: Have your baby. And really, I can’t even believe you asked me. That’s all you, friend. I don’t love you that much.

I will: Laugh at you… especially if you fall in a public place. It’s one of my favorite things to do. Laughing with you is fun too, but only if we’re laughing at someone else.

I will NOT: Pick leftover salad out of your teeth. Okay, I did do this once, but both parties were completely consenting in the moment.

I will: Call a boy and pretend I’m you. This is done in order to build your confidence, and allow you the opportunity to get a feel for the guy before you actually converse with him yourself. It’s also ridiculous, but I’ll do it if you really want me too.

I will NOT: Always answer your text messages. Sometimes I don’t have time for you, but I will always make time for you — after I’m done with me, of course.

I will: Lie for you. It doesn’t really bother me, and it helps out on those nights I can’t make it to improv class (not).

I will NOT: Take an improv class with you. I don’t care how much we need to break out of our comfort zones. NEVER GONNA HAPPEN. Okay, this did happen once, which is why it will NEVER happen again.

I will: Probably talk about you. But whatever I say to someone else, I will say it to you too — if you really want to know.

I will NOT: Care if this list offends you, because you are my dear friend, and you will get over it.


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